Running at Full Speed. A Story About Burnout That Looks Like Success.

These days, more and more is being said about work-life balance and consciously taking care of ourselves. We are watching successive generations begin to put their well-being ahead of work. And yet, about six months ago, I experienced the first signs of burnout before I had even gotten a full-time job.

When we think about burnout, we usually picture someone who is exhausted, frustrated, and drained of energy. That's how I imagined it too. Yet there is another, far more deceptive scenario. One that begins with success and a creative frenzy that makes you feel as though everything is finally starting to fall into place.

This kind of burnout doesn't begin with exhaustion. For me, it began with an enormous surge of energy. New projects, first successes, positive feedback, the feeling that I was on a roll. Ideas kept appearing one after another, and I felt as though I could keep going forever. Each new step gave me wings. I was unstoppable.

I didn't see any danger in it. I felt better than usual. I wanted to make the most of that flow while it lasted. And that's exactly why it's so dangerous.

Even while sleeping, I dreamed about the project I was working on. At the time, it felt exciting. I would wake up with a new idea ready to implement, and I didn't have to spend long looking for solutions. They came to me on their own in my dreams.

At some point, creativity started to weigh on me. I couldn't step away from the computer, not even on weekends. I felt like a hamster that, upon seeing a running wheel, has to jump in and run as if someone were about to take it away. I was probably running on adrenaline, dopamine, or cortisol. It no longer really mattered. What mattered was that I was slowly beginning to realize that something wasn't right. This was no longer the natural enthusiasm that brings lightness and productivity.

And so, unable to stop, the evenings came when it became harder and harder to fall asleep. Rest felt like a waste of time. It was a necessity to be completed. I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't switch my mind off. At that point, I was still benefiting from those evening ideas. I was still falling asleep with a smile on my face.

For me, the turning point came suddenly. The first night when I couldn't fall asleep until two in the morning. And in the morning, I woke up shortly after five with my mind ready to get to work. I told myself, "It's just excitement. I simply love what I do."

But on the second night, when I lay awake until three in the morning with a flood of ideas, I felt that I had to switch my mind off. I felt as if I were starting to burn out the processor in my head. A huge red "ERROR" sign was flashing before my eyes, and in the background I could hear the familiar "beep, beep, beep."

I started to worry. Was it workaholism? Some kind of anxiety? Depression? Something wasn't right.

I won't hide the fact that I started to be afraid of it and began looking for answers. That's when I came across descriptions of burnout that begins with euphoria. With excessive productivity and a pleasant, heightened state that looks like success, but is actually running on reserve.

The body has two modes: activation and recovery. Activation kicks in during any kind of intensity, whether it's stress or excitement. Thinking speeds up, and energy increases. The problem begins when the recovery phase never arrives. The nervous system remains in a heightened state and loses its ability to switch smoothly into a state of calm. Insomnia and racing thoughts are not panic in that situation, but the result of prolonged arousal. The body simply never received the signal that it could switch off.

Do you know what was the hardest part? Pulling the emergency brake. Giving up that flood of ideas. Telling yourself, "Enough. Stop." when you're riding a wave. But if you ever feel it, if you feel that you can't slow down, that's exactly when you should do it.

Stop while you still can. Because a body that keeps running, even on productive emergency power, may eventually cut the power itself.

Put on a pair of warm socks. Take a blanket. Make yourself a tea with your favorite additions. Turn on a fireplace video on your screen... (Yes, I'm a millennial. If you're from a younger generation, turn on whatever it is that younger people turn on these days.) And just sit.

Yes, I know... It will be very difficult. Focus on how warm the tea is. On how soft the pillow is. Or even on the spider on the ceiling that you hadn't noticed before. Force yourself to switch off.

Don't wait for the red "ERROR" message.

Stop before you see it.